#it justifies nothing actually but it's such a fun analysis to do

[thesirenwithnovoice]

Thoughts about how different mediums of a same story may give you different views (and rambling about the Tower of Heaven)//TW: violence

Lately I've been wondering about how manga readers might have very different visions than anime watchers of a same story, because althought the plot remains the same, some little details can change our whole perception of a story.

This reminded me of the first time I read Fairy Tail and how terrified I was at how cruel and dark the Tower of Heaven's arc is.

Jellal's face (that by that time, were only an 11-years-old kid) drippling blood while being tortured shocked me so much as a kid and I still find it one of the most disturbing scenes in the manga, lol.

In the anime, the content itself is the same. We know the kids are slaves that go throught different kinds of abuse, however, I find the manga way gloomier and more graphic. And althought part of it might be just a personal opinion, it's not entirely without basis: Mashima uses different techniques in his art to represent facts whitin the story than the animators, and it leads to a topic I really love: semiotics - how we interpret images, and how detais can be used to convey a certain felling throught art.

Colors and composition helps A LOT creating an atmosphere and causing a feeling on the reader. Proportionally speaking, a manga doesn't have colors, but it has it's own alternatives - the Tower of Heaven arc, in comparison to the rest of the manga, uses a lot more black and hatching.

One can argue some scenes are still "visually darker" in the anime, since it has the advantage of being able to play with shadows and colors in a broader aspect; however, since Fairy Tail is not an anime that changes it's saturation or colour pallete, the loud colors in most scenes end up not helping building the same dreadful atmosphere.

(It doesn't mean you can't make a scary story using bright and colorful tones, tho. A great example is the movie Midsommar. But it's not an easy task!)

Erza's childhood memories in the manga also carry a "dirtier" feeling; the kids are always covered by bruises, and the background is rougher. Also, the anime chooses to represent slavery in a more fanciful way: the kids wear stylized handcuffs and are assaulted with magic attacks, what inevitably softens the scenes by distancing them from real life slavery.

In a story, an act of violence will always be more shocking if your brain is able to automatically make a connection with real life. Seeing blood conveys a feeling of disconfort easier than a character being hit by a wave of magic, even if the author tells you "this is painful"; that's why some people say they started to find difficult to watch horror movies involving kids after becoming parents, because after experenciating something in real life, they connect with fiction harder.

The above scene causes me very different feelings in each media. In the manga, the despair in Jellal's face when seeing they removed Erza's eye is much clearer, and his skinny body, his eyes filling up with tears (he doesn't cry in the anime) shows not only a feeling of worry, but of utter dread and helplessness. All that helps endorsing the fact that, doesn't matter how brave he is, they are still just fragile kids, unable to protect themselves from the cruelty of the world around them.

I want to make it clear, though, that this is not in any way meant to be a critique to the animation team, or an affirmation that one type of media is better than another. We all have our personal preferences, but each media has it's target audience and objective. Fairy Tail's animators certainly do know how to convey the same feelings on the public, they just choose not to, for a variety of reasons. Probably because the anime is aimed for a broader and younger audience, many scenes have been softened or censored somehow. Also, animation consumes more labour than a manga page, so unless you have a lot of time and investment, the art tend to be simpler.

So do you think it affects the plot, Siren?

In my opinion, yes, even if just in a subtle way. In the manga, I think this raw brutality helps Jellal's character to gain a more interesting complexity. To me, he feels less like a hero and more like what he actually is: just a really kind and brave kid trying his best to protect his friends.

Another major change they made in the anime was removing the ambiguity (something that happened more than once in Fairy Tail's adaptation, such as in the famous kiss scene), leaving clear since the beginning that Jellal was a victim of a mind controlling spell; while in the manga, until Urtear's confirmation at the end of the arc, we do not know for sure if he have been brainwashed or just convinced to adore Zeref.

And as much as I can see why some fans might hate it because it leaves room for people to see Jellal as a bad man, I (as someone who is not afraid of loving evil characters, heh), find it interesting and somehow enriching to the plot, because it gives the whole arc a reflection: is extreme suffering, specially at such an young age, capable of changing someone so much?

We are left questioning what did "Zeref" say, or do, that made him change so much. And having so many real life examples where despair has made people easy victims of manipulation throught faith or falling into extremist ideologies, after we seeing Jellal's pain and fragility in a tangible way, it's not that hard at all to understand how he went insane and managed to drag all the other slaves along with him.

Also, I think it makes it easier to understand Erza's empathy towards him. Jellal and Erza are characters connected not only by the affection they nourish for one another, but also for sharing the same pain. She is the only person that fully understands the horrors he lived in the tower, since they were the only kids that have been in the torture chamber. And althought she never tries to justify Jellal's actions, Erza does not only show him compreension, but she feels guilty for not being able to retribute his protection and prevented him from losing his mind.

That doesn't mean, tho, that there weren't many other clues he was not acting on free will: be it his grotesque change of personality, his hysterical laughter out of nowhere or his motivations that doesn't hold (because they were never his to begin with). To me, all that at first glance makes him closer to Batman's Joker, someone that grew insane after so much suffering, than a villain that's genuinely just plain selfish and thirsty for power. And that only makes me find him a creepier villain, since personally, I find sadism and insanity way scarier than ghosts.

So this is just a looong collection of thoughts about how small choices can change a lot the "feeling" we get from a scene or a character. I hope someone can find it interesting too. There are many other examples of adaptations where it happened, and if you remember one you'd like to share, I would love to hear!

Last but not less important, all the love for Mashima's art, the Tower of Heaven arc (that is a personal favorite) and Jellal, a character I deeply love and one that holds for sure the strongest spirit in the manga for being able to become such a kind and mature man despite everything he has been thought. ♡

[chayannesegg]

honestly I think it’s kinda interesting how phil’s relationships with wilbur, tallulah, chayanne & tubbo are all reflecting back into his view of sunny tbh. like he has such complex delicate interwoven dynamics with all of them and it all gets thrown onto sunny, this poor kid who he loves in theory, but in practice is a stranger to him. 

like wilbur left tallulah in phil’s care and didn’t come back. even now way after he was initially supposed to, wilbur hasn’t returned (that one day aside). and phil, who had already taken on a big commitment watching tallulah, has been left permanently with two eggs in his sole care. and even though he loves tallulah and wil, and won’t want them out of his life, this is a stress for him. it’s a big undertaking for anyone, to care for two kids alone, but especially since tallulah required a lot of changes in his life.

for better or worse, in many ways phil sees chayanne as an extension of himself. they’re similar in a lot of ways, and often on the same page, and it means phil often struggles to catch up when chayanne’s emotions aren’t on the same page as him. we’ve seen this week, phil having such a hard time understanding the depth and breadth of chayanne’s grief. when he catches on, he usually does a good job empathising and talking it through, but when he doesn’t, he really doesn’t and it can be hard to watch. 

the same is NOT true for tallulah. he has, through hard work and practice, learnt how to identify her emotions. he had to. she needed it. she would have been miserable otherwise. she desperately needed asked for the emotional care and birthdays and consideration that chayanne would never ask for. and he’s good at it—tracking her moods, knowing what upsets her & what she cares about in a way that doesn’t come as naturally with chayanne (or sunny or tubbo or anyone else really expect maybe wilbur). but that took A LOT of time and effort, months of work, and I do think he’s a bit wary of the idea of having to do that again, even when it comes to people he loves like chayanne (or god forbid tubbo).

now tubbo is not wil. tubbo is not phil's son. but he’s still not dissimilar to wil in phil’s mind. whatever the backstory is, phil introduces tubbo to tallulah as an old friend of him and wil’s. he makes tubbo his kids’ godfather. he calls tubbo his boy. he looks out for him. but past those first few weeks, their relationship doesn’t progress. they mean a lot to each other bc of their pasts, but they don’t put any work into upkeeping their relationship and phil in particular doesn’t reflect at all on what how that changes their dynamic. and it does change it—this is clear in purgatory, with phil having zero trust in tubbo to protect chayanne and tallulah, and after, with tubbo endlessly poking at phil’s sore spots trying to illicit a reaction he’ll never receive. 

it's also clear in the way phil has no understanding of what’s going on with tubbo. if he’s struggling to grasp chay’s emotions, he’s not even touching what’s going on in tubbo’s head. tubbo’s death makes no sense to him. it’s sudden. it’s random. it’s illogical. it’s stupid. he wasn’t joking about having two lives? he still took a death bet with richas? he’s not come back? he can’t come back? he’s left phil with distraught kids for no reason with no warning. he doesn’t see the erratic suicidal behaviour, the unending depression, the desperation to be loved. he doesn’t want to see it. he doesn’t want something to be wrong with tubbo, but he also doesn’t even know how to see what’s wrong. he’s annoyed he’s having to deal with it and he desperately desperately wants to believe this is all happening for no reason.

bc at the forefront of phil’s mind is still his love for tubbo. of course, phil would drop everything to help tubbo (if he could recognize something was wrong). of course, he would care for sunny as his own. of course, he would make the same sacrifices he’s made for wil. and he assumes he’ll have to. he thought that sunny would now be under his care. that he’d have to figure out the logistics of a third egg to care for. with wilbur, phil was the only person who could ever have taken care of tallulah. the only person he trusted, the only person who knew tallulah enough. now this isn’t true for tubbo. it’s a genuinely illogical assumption for phil to make: three eggs would be a genuine burden on him; they've never spoken about it; there’s a long list of people who would tubbo expects for sunny before; and he doesn’t even know sunny well enough to name these people for her as comfort.

but still in the moment, alone with tubbo’s eggs and dealing with everything he left behind, phil can only think that the exact same thing that happened before will happen: he alone will be left to care for another scared hurt kid of someone he loves.

and here we come to sunny. a kid whose dad he loves. a kid whose dad he doesn’t understand. a kid whose dad is suddenly gone like his son is gone. a kid who would need him like his daughter needs him. a kid who his son needs to protect. a kid he cares for. a kid he can’t afford to care for, a kid he wasn’t expecting to care for, a kid he doesn’t know how to care for, a kid he would care for if he needed to, a kid he doesn’t know why he’s been left to care for. a kid who is somehow a reflection of all these people he loves but not someone he knows at all.

idk i think this tension comes out in the a lot of the comments phil makes of and to sunny. he doesn't know them well enough to distinguish them from his relationships with other people. and as long as no one challenges him on that, we'll continue to hear these misplaced comments from him, that come across so insensitively, even as he tries his best to genuinely help them and their dad.

[zettaireido-emotion]

Camus character analysis: games VS anime

If you finished the Uta no Prince-sama anime and your opinion of this man is "wow, he's kinda terrible," I don't blame you. in fact I've seen a lot of people say this

In this post, I want to talk about his characterization in the games and give my two cents on what the anime was trying to do with him, especially in his single focus episode Saintly Territory (S3E6).

Disclaimer: I wrote this on a whim because I'm sick and stuck at home so if anyone reads this, sorry I might go all over the place

Spoilers for all of the games!

The "be my slave" thing

Starting with Anime Camus's most egregious crime: treating Haruka like a servant/slave (however you want to translate it)

Basically in his focus episode, Haruka is tasked with writing a song for Camus. She wants to learn more about him in order to write it, but Camus will only let her follow him if she acts as his servant. She accepts without complaining, Cecil is rightfully angry, Haruka continues anyway and the song gets completed.

Now, am I about to say that Game Camus would never do this? No because he literally does lmao.

The anime doesn't pull this "servant" plotline out of nowhere, here's the context in his route:

Haruka accidentally overhears Camus talking about a plot to assassinate Saotome on the phone. When he notices that she heard everything, he basically tells her that he has to kill her now. But if she served him, he'd be able to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't leak anything, so she could escape death.

Okay uh "work under me or DIE" isn't exactly better, nor is it a good start to a love story, but I'm not finished!!

(A side note: I have to add that the anime made him look like an even bigger asshole and borderline dumb when it came to the things he made her do. Like he expected her to know that snapping your fingers means you want coffee without prior explanation. bro

^This might have been for comedic effect but I promise he can be actually funny and endearing.)

What the anime couldn't cover

The Camus episode wraps up with Haruka pulling through and writing a song that makes Camus "sincere," he says it's cool at the very end and that's the episode. I think the problem is that we technically didn't see him being sincere or what that even means to him, besides when he was singing (banger song btw)

It's a shame because in a 20-minute episode you really can't show the game experience of slowly piecing together what this man's problem is.

First of all, in Debut and AS you'll be quick to notice that he always has homeland and duty on the mind, constantly reminding himself that he's in Shining Agency/Japan for a reason, and it's NOT to have fun or make friends

The truth is, he slowly starts to appreciate the banter with his colleagues, music, and working there in general.

But because of his initial mindset, he has to rationalize & justify every connection he forms, like "it's just for work" or worse: "actually it was ALL A LIE and I NEVER ENJOYED A SECOND OF THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER, I'm such a great actor haha"

He uses that to fool himself and to push the other person away so it doesn't happen again. This scene is probably the best example:

(I'll be using google lens because it's faster but I checked that the tls were okay)

He also does this in the Non-Fiction drama, which may or may not have actually happened, but I think it's still a pretty good reflection of what could happen in reality because he tells Ranmaru their bond was a lie, then mopes around in his guilt thinking about the good times and wondering why he's sad, and THEN later doubles down on the "it was a lie, I don't care about you" because he just can't let himself get attached to anything.

Basically, he's terrified at the thought of forming actual bonds because he genuinely thinks he's nothing if he stops being a cold weapon:

At one point he does admit he sucks (as a love interest)-

-which is pretty huge by utapri standards. I love these games, but the amount of times where a male lead does something icky, and everyone, including Haruka, acts like it's normal or like it's Haruka's fault is ehhh but I digress

Upbringing

Of course he's very proud of his homeland and status, but sometimes it's to the point of thinking he can't be anything other than his title. So why is he like this?

We got to hear about his childhood from Camus himself a few times, and it often ended with Haruka thinking "wait? that's kinda messed up?" and Camus insisting it's nothing/it's normal so yeah that's something...

His parents were in an unhappy arranged marriage, and his mother was forced to birth an heir which traumatized her so much that she can't see Camus without falling ill. Overall it's a pretty tragic situation since what happened to her was horrible, though not Camus's fault either. Even now she refuses to see him, and I wouldn't say that makes him sad because he never really met her, but simply knowing of her sacrifice probably adds a lot of pressure. As in, he only exists for this one purpose (inheriting his father's title and serving the country), so if he doesn't play his part correctly, it would have all been for nothing.

He was raised by his father not as a child or son but as the heir, always treated and judged as an adult (even during physical training apparently, make of that what you will)

When Haruka asks about childhood memories he has a very hard time finding something that doesn't have to do with his duties or the nation. And then admits he didn't truly have a "childhood" since he was never treated like a child

As for the queen, I think his love for her is sincere: she taught him a lot of things growing up, and according to him, she's also a victim trapped by her duties so he wants to ease the burden.

So hypothetically, if he found things or people that made him happy in Japan, he would feel obligated to lock them away because that happiness is incompatible with his life: he'll have to leave when his mission ends, he shouldn't be spending time on things that aren't "useful" as he doesn't have the free will to pursue them

In his mind he's completely tied down by the fact that he was born and raised for a single reason, and the fact that he does want to serve the queen.

(This is Saotome describing him btw)

Also it might sound ridiculous to bring his self-worth into question because of how pretentious he is, but I've counted a few situations where he seemed to have complete disregard for his own life, only worrying about Haruka and Cecil's safety in scenes when they were present. And he thinks wanting to be loved unconditionally is a childish thought he shouldn't have.

"Double Face" was a lie. There's like at least 10 layers

On the surface he does have two personas, his perfect polite butler act for the media, and his cold bitchy attitude off camera. But honestly, even when he's not acting as a butler, he's often putting up a front to hide any form of vulnerability (from himself as well)

His main struggle is finding who he is outside of what he's being told to do. Before, he never actually stopped to think about what he WANTS because it just never occurs to him, or if it does he ignores it.

That's why realizing that he has his own desires is essential to his character development, and him staying with Quartet Night (and Haruka in his routes) is so important. It's why Reiji feels the need to reach out and when he does, Camus either freezes up or tears up;

This all makes him the opposite of Ranmaru (being true to yourself and sincere), and similar to Ai (gradually learning to view the world in a less cold and logical way), but I kind of want to save that for another post lmao

He is especially hard on Cecil because Cecil says & does whatever he wants, and everything still works out for him, which is a way of life that Camus can't imagine for himself at all (despite maybe wanting it?)

That he can realize this and eventually admit out loud, despite all his pride, is also one of my favorite things about him

Season 2 does hint at something, so that's pretty cool!

Side note, I really love that his theme in the new Oracle series is "Change," the melting of ice.

So what was the anime supposed to do??

Of course there's no way to show all this in a single episode or even during the runtime of the anime, and I never expected them to because the story is very surface-level (that goes for all characters).

It's just unfortunate since the anime is the most accessible and well-known utapri media in the western fandom, and the character's main episode is bound to leave the biggest impression.

I understand the choice of being laser-focused on the servant plotline, it's supposed to be funny (?) and waters him down to a trope that's easy to understand at first glance (the step-on-me guy I guess)

Still, I can't help but compare it to Ranmaru's episode, who was also hard to work with in the games but was chill in S3E7 and got to pet cats. Anime onlys will never know how much Camus loves to dote on his dog smh.....

[fabiotheguitar]

i want to expand on what Ayesha might mean when she says being queer and Muslim is complicated as a queer Muslim myself bc I’ve seen some people not quite hit the nail on the head.

first is that it is not a universal opinion among Muslims that having a gay romantic or sexual partnership is a sin. that depends on how you interpret the story of Lut alayhi salam, which most schools of thought have extrapolated to be about gay relationships. It might be the mainstream view, but that does not give it religious or scholarly credibility per se. the Quran itself says nothing negative about queerness.

second is that Islam is not unique in being manipulated and twisted as an excuse for homophobia. that has happened in so many cultures and religions and societies. nothing specific about the Quran actually says that being gay is a sin/gay people should be killed etc (just to be clear the people who say that are making it up to validate their homophobic violence. you know how that goes)

really, Ayesha hits the nail on the head when she talks about social relationships. when you’re a minority, if the sheikh or imam or the community is homophobic you can’t just pick up and go somewhere else. this is your community, and you experience so many beautiful things with them. we pray shoulder to shoulder. you aren’t supposed to ignore or shun people. in Islam we have many obligations that are fulfilled through community (giving charity, walking to the masjid, praying in congregation, celebrating eid). this is who you celebrate with, who you mourn with, who you go to for guidance and advice.

the other complicating factor is that many Muslim women observe hijab (wearing a headscarf, physical separation of men and women) in part to create a space where they can exist without being sexualized or even talking about sexuality at all. the expectation is that when you make wudhu, change clothes, etc in front of other women that they aren’t sexualizing you. but if you are attracted to women, even when you lower your gaze and don’t notice their appearances, it feels like an invasion of their privacy. being a lesbian Muslim involves a degree of questioning where you fit into your community, what spaces are and aren’t for you.

the last thing and something i think Ayesha portrayed so well is that when you love your religion, when you love your community, rejection from your community hurts more. especially when they think they’re being kind. heteronormativity becomes rejection. hesitancy around queerness becomes rejection.

the fact that the question would even be asked, how is it to be queer and Muslim, is basically like saying hey, I’m curious about which ways you’ve been rejected by your community or how they fail to meet your needs. please justify your continued relationship with them and your religion so i can judge you and them. and how is that a fun experience for a queer person? underneath all the jokes we like to make, rejection does hurt. even when it comes from people who are kind and loving and just biased or misunderstanding.

this isn’t a character analysis of Ayesha particularly (but I definitely want to do one)! i just wanted to put this out here for anyone not Muslim who was wondering what was up with those scenes

[socseptember]

Welcome to Soc September!

This is a blog that will only be active during September! In The Outsiders fandom we put most of our focus on the greasers. So this event is dedicated to all the underrated SOCs in the book, movie, and musical! It's not a contest or anything, just something to appreciate them all and have fun! If you want to participate please tag things with Soc September or tag this blog!

Here is how to participate!

Make artwork, headcanons, fanfiction, etc. of any SOC characters! Whether its more well-known ones like Cherry or Paul. Or ensemble members of the musical! Heck, even soc ocs you might have work! We accept just about everything! The last full week of September will also have a special event with prompts on the daily! We do accept ships including greasers but the greaser can't be the focus.

Prompts are here

Things that aren't accepted

We don't accept writing or art of the following

NSFW things about any characters, if its a bit suggestive that's different. But don't do anything blatantly NSFW. Also do not justify characters' actions if they are truly terrible. If you're writing in Bob's perspective of jumping Pony and Johnny and he's like "They deserve it!" that's ok since it's his perspective. But if you're doing character analysis and you're like "Cherry was evil for not saying hi to Pony and Bob was in the right to try and murder Pony!" that's a bit different. Blood and such is allowed just put a TW!

If you don't know the SOCs here they are under the cut

Cherry Valance- The redhead that Dally hits on and helps change Pony's perspective on SOCs. Marcia is her best friend and Bob is her boyfriend (or ex depending on how you look at it) She can be rather fierce and has an interesting perspective on things. She's kinda the main soc

Bob Sheldon- A curly headed blonde (or straight, dark haired) 18 year old. He's more villanized in the book and is killed in self-defense by Johnny. He's a mean drunk but is also a good leader and well-liked by SOCs. Cherry's boyfriend.

Randy Adderson- A dark haired 18 year old. Best friend to Bob and helps jump Pony and Johnny. He has a change in perspective after Bob's death and has a chat with Pony that helps humanize the SOCs. He's the boyfriend to Marcia though it is disputed on if they actually care about one another romantically.

Marcia M. Marcia- A SOC girl with shorter black hair. She is best friends with Cherry and is not seen outside of the drive-in scene. She is very witty and has a flirtatious conversation with Two-Bit Mathews. Many have begun to ship them. She doesn't have a set last name nor really a visible personality.

Paul Holden- An older SOC guy. Used to be good friends with Darry Curtis. Currently in college and skilled in football. Not much is known about his history with Darry but the fans have come up with a lot of it.

Chet Baker, Trip (Terrence Ib), Brill (Clark Brillsteen)- Musical ensemble SOC boys. Friends of Bob. Chet seems to have a crush on Cherry and may get with her after the end.

Beverly- Soc girl ensemble, dislikes the greasers. Melody Rose has given bits and pieces of her personality but she doesn't have any lines.

Melvin and Sergei- The soc boy alter egos of melody rose and sarahgrace. The best soc boys overall

Greg Parker- He's from the weird TV show and I know next to nothing about him

[magenta-somethings]

What's your take on the new absolute universe? I'm curious as to whether you envision an absolute timkon (or like slightly different but still same vibes kind of pairing) and if so, how you'd explain/justify it.

Thanks for this ask, because it really sent me down the rabbit hole. I hadn’t even thought about Absolute!Timkon before this and now I have Thoughts. So many Thoughts. I’ve been doing nothing for the last two hours but having Thoughts. I’m even been driven to using capitalisation.

I’ll admit, I was a little skeptical about the Absolute Universe, but I was actually really impressed with Absolute Batman #1. If I’m correctly understanding what they’re doing with the Absolute Universe (which I’ll discuss more later), I’m excited to see more, because its optimism masquerading as cynicism and I think that’s fun and interesting and I appreciate so much more than just a dark, gritty take on the characters (which can be fun and interesting! But in small doses).

Also. I am not immune to woman with sword bigger than her. (Absolute Wonder Woman, save me.)

Rought outline of this post: my understanding of what the philosophy of the Absolute Universe is —> some analysis of mainline!Tim & how he could be translated into Absolute!Tim —> some analysis of mainline!Kon & how he could be translated into Absolute!Kon —> some ramblings about Absolute!Timkon & Absolute!YJ

[disclaimer: this is based on the comics I’ve read (Superboy (1994), Young Justice (1998), about 50% of Robin (1993), a fair number of modern comics) & what analysis I’ve seen of comics I haven’t yet read, as I’m just about to enter the Teen Titans era of my Kon (& Tim) readthrough. Also, Absolute Universe is obviously very new, so I am working off of limited evidence.]

[also. Spoilers for Absolute Batman #1]

So let’s dive into my understanding of what the Absolute Universe (AU) is trying to do.

These are Absolute Universe’s taglines:

Without the mansion…without the money…without the butler…what’s left is the Absolute Dark Knight! Without the island paradise…without the sisterhood that shaped her…without a mission of peace…what’s left is the Absolute Amazon! Without the fortress…without the family…without a home…what’s left is the Absolute Man of Steel!

So, the philosophy seems to be stripping superheroes of their ‘support beams’ (emotional, physical and philosophical), to force them to rely on a single essential part of their character. With Absolute!Bruce, based on issue #1, that seems to be his dedication to Gotham. And also bat-related trauma.

However, it’s not as straightforward as ‘characters are worse off’. The Absolute Universe taketh, but it also giveth. Absolute!Bruce isn’t an orphan—his mother is still alive, and still very much in his life. He also has a friend group! They’re his rogues gallery in the mainline, which probably doesn’t bode well for their relationships, but still! However, while this is giving something to Bruce, it can still be seen as taking away something from Batman—his isolation and his orphanhood.

Absolute!Bruce doesn’t—and never did—have his wealth, Alfred or his orphanhood, which leaves him with only his dedication to Gotham. And that’s enough for him to still become Batman.

From the promotional material I’ve read, AU (and damn, that acronym is going to be confusing sometimes) is all about appearing dark, so that light can ultimately triumph. It’s about the characters becoming heroes, even coming from circumstances which, by rights, shouldn’t lead them to becoming heroes. And that’s mainly done by worsening them circumstances, but also at times improving them.

So, what would this mean for Absolute!Tim & Absolute!Kon? What essential part of their characters would still drive them to become heroes, even with everything else stripped away?

Both of them are characters concerned with legacy & their responsibility to said legacy. In the process of writing this, I’ve realised there’s actually some very interesting similarities & differences between their characters in regards to this but that’s (mostly) for another time. What is important here, is that they did not invent the symbols on the chest. They inherited the legacies, and that means their drive for becoming heroes is fundamentally different to Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman’s.

For Mainline!Tim, I’d say that just as Bruce is dedicated to Gotham, he’s so, so dedicated to the symbols of Batman and Robin. He values them to the extent that when he thought Bruce & Dick were faltering in their roles, he stepped in and—when Dick didn’t want to take up the mantle of Robin again—ended up committing his life to Robin. It’s a duty he chose but one he now can’t abandon even after he has to make sacrifice after sacrifice. [sidenote: I haven’t read his not-Robin era of Robin 93 yet but my understanding is that a large part of why he did give up the mantle is to fulfill his duty as son (i.e. to obey his father)]. And so when he’s kicked out of the Robin mantle, it fucking stings because he’s sacrificed so much for it.

So, for Absolute!Tim, I think the commitment and duty to Batman & Robin has to be what stays. Which means what I think the ‘support beams’ that go is everything he ends up sacrificing/losing over his series — his parents, his friends, his life as Tim. Or, in other words, he starts the series as an orphan. Sorry Absolute!Tim, Absolute!Bruce has used up the living parent allowance. What could be interesting is if Tim is also introduced as having a more criminal/villainous background, since mainline!Tim’s background is respectable, upper class (akin to Absolute!Bruce’s background change), only for him to see Batman and be a convert to the cause. That even without a background where he's raised with the standard lessons on the importance of responsibility and being a good person, he still ends up committing himself to the duty of being Robin. [edit: to be clear I do mean villainous rather than low-income, because he would still receive those lessons--probably even more so--if Jack and Janet were simply poor]

I also think he wouldn't have seen Dick's parents fall. Yet he would still come to believe in the symbols of Robin and Batman even without that formative experience. Again, I'm picturing him, in his teens or even older, seeing Batman and/or Robin solving a crime (maybe even his own crime! or one he's at least an accessory to) and becoming a believer.

For Kon, the ‘S’ symbol wasn’t even something he was born into, but was *created for*. He’s desperate to prove himself worthy of the ‘S’ because, otherwise… what worth does he have? And that feeds into the other large part of his character, which is that the world doesn’t seem to have a place for him. He was created to be Superman, but then Superman came back. He lived in Hawaii but then Hawaii didn’t want him, there was Cadmus but then Cadmus had to disappear, he tried to make a home in Suicide Slum but that didn’t work out. The Ravers & then Young Justice broke up. For a time he has the Kents and Teen Titans but then he dies, and then is brought back just in time to be erased from existence. Only to be brought back into a world where Superboy was someone else & there’s *two* Superman (one being the former Superboy) & only like ten people remember him. That was a bit of a tangent but, basically, I’d say his relationship to the ‘S’ is being born for a legacy that ended up not really having room for him, and him having to struggle to make that space for himself.

For Absolute!Kon…. honestly I could see a couple different approaches. Despite what I said earlier about him being ‘born’ into the mantle being important, it could be interesting to see a Kon who chooses to take up the mantle more akin to what mainline!Tim did. Maybe a middle ground of Kon being created as clone, but given a normal, well-adjusted life where he’s unaware of his origins, with an adopted family who loves and supports him, & then him choosing to become a hero & try and forge a place for himself within the Superman legacy even though he already has a place in the world. Which I think is also funny because it would be a complete inverse of what’s happening with all the other Absolute characters. They’re all ‘would X character still be X without their support systems?’ while this is ‘would Kon still be Kon *with* a support system (from the get to)?’ Basically, really leaning into the logic of Absolute!Bruce still having his mother, where what drove Kon to be a hero was that he had nothing else, so why would he become Superboy if he has a life as Kon/Connor? And in asking that question, what is revealed as the essential part of Kon’s character is that he *cares*. He cares so, so much. Throughout his solo, a lot of his suffering comes from his repeated ‘screwing up’ (in quotes, because damn, a lot of it was just him being a kid) because it leads to people getting hurt, and he *cares*.

To be honest, initially I was thinking more ‘what if Kon wasn’t a clone but still struggled to find his place within the Superman legacy?’ but I’m actually liking the idea of ‘Kon is a clone but was given a normal childhood’ way more.

So! What would be the implications for Timkon? I think this would be fun because it would flip some aspects of the Timkon dynamic, where Kon is the one who has a pretty normal home life while Tim is the one couch-surfing, while reinforcing others, like Tim being the more obviously obsessed one (since he’s going to have fewer people to care about) while Kon is a bit more lowkey about it (but ends up equally devoted). This is also a Tim who would, in fact, be a lot more morally grey (kind of starting at his lowest points in Red Robin, with the possibility of going up or downhill) than this Kon, which could be interesting! Kon is, at his core, a kind person, one who believes in redemption and second-chances; he often extends his hands to even villains, asking if he can help them and trying to convince them there’s a better way. So there could be an aspect of Kon trying to get Tim to be more traditionally heroic, while Tim tries to get Kon to be more realistic about the darker setting they’re in; a weird parallel to Mainline!Tim trying to get Mainline!Kon to be more serious/responsible in the 90s era.

I also think in this universe, Kon might outright open his home up to Tim, after finding out he doesn’t really have a life outside Robin. And Tim would be Bewildered by this. Like I don’t think this Kon would be strict with his secret identity, even though he has a legitimate need for one, and that would confuse this Tim, who doesn’t really have a secret identity but only because nothing in his life as Tim is really important enough to protect. And then Tim would end up having his turn providing support to Kon after Kon starts being hit with the Inherent Trauma of Being a Superhero. (The whole thing about not being super strict about his identity? Yeah. That would definitely come to bite this Kon in the ass.)

Basically, it’s a Timkon that wouldn’t be the same as Mainline!Timkon because its not the same Tim and Kon. But I still think there could be that same devotion, developed through years of friendship (and then lowkey romantic tension).

As for how they would meet, I imagine Young Justice happening but, like, it forms even more casually/unintentionally than YJ98. The core four (& ideally Cissie/Anita/Greta) just keep running into each other, and then start hanging out because it’s nice being able to be around other teens who Get It (especially since most of them are probably going to have even less of a home life than mainline), and they accidentally stumble into both a friend group (if I had my way, they’d basically be a queer found family) & an unofficial team. And Kon would just be very casual about inviting all of them to hang out at his place (which, again, confuses the others).

If you've read this far, thank you for indulging me!

[astromechs]

can I get washing their hair for rebelcaptain? 🥺

fun fact, i received these two asks within about an hour of one another, so great minds really do think alike. anyway, since the other two were heavier, went with something really, really stupid for this one 💕 from this list; still accepting! (and this is now also available on ao3, just like the other fills)

“He does this on purpose,” Jyn grumbles, because she’s too fucking furious for more than a grumble. Well, that and she can’t exactly manage anything else in her current position, head tipped with water-soaked hair obscuring most of her field of vision, palm pressed flat against the shower wall to keep her steady after having to remain like that for so long, but her point still stands.

Could anyone really blame her for being furious? She knows fucking intent when she sees it. There’s no way that a droid with a self-professed “specialty” of strategic analysis hadn’t mapped out what her route around base would likely be today, and there’s no way that he hadn’t been ready with a whole fucking vat of oil in his stupid fucking mechanical hands to drop it over her at just the right fucking moment.

It’d been completely uncalled for, too. So what if she’d cut the power to Kay’s favorite docking port last week and forced him to spend an entire night cycle trapped next to that astromech he hates so much? That had hardly been worth this much torture — and she’ll probably never be able to wear that shirt or vest ever again; they’d practically had to be sliced off of her.

No, there’s a difference between justified retaliation and crossing a line, and Kay had passed that line by a fucking parsec, so he’s the one who’s clearly in the wrong here. That’s her position, and she’s sticking to it.

It’s a position that any reasonable person with sense would agree to, so it’s one that Cassian, logically, will.

But when the hands that have been messaging her scalp still and his response comes, it isn’t an agreement. No, instead, it’s, “He doesn’t mean it,” said in the tone she absolutely hates the most: the one that’s mildly neutral, that comes with the mask he puts on when she knows he doesn’t want to engage with something.

Fuck. For a brief amount of time, she’d actually managed to forget that the person who’s been standing in the shower with her for the past standard hour at least, helping her wash her hair, is the one who’d be the least fucking objective possible on this issue.

If she could turn around, she’d raise an eyebrow and give Cassian her best are you fucking kidding me stare, but since she can’t, she resigns herself to heaving a long, frustrated sigh, one she makes sure can be heard over the running water.

He doesn’t respond for a while, opting instead to continue with his task of rubbing another round of shampoo into her hair. If he were doing this for any other reason, it might feel nice — part of her has been halfway to thinking it at least three times over the past standard hour before she’s stopped herself, because even with the difficulty of what he he’s had to work with, he’s never been too harsh with his touch — but he’s not here for those reasons, and so his silence is annoying. HIs silence leaves her no choice except to try for the sigh again, and really mean it this time.

Eventually, after that, he speaks up again, with a sigh that’s almost as heavy as hers. “I’ll tell him to call it off.”

Finally. Had that been so fucking hard?

To her credit, and she really tries for this, she does her best to leave out that sentiment when she tells him:  “That’s all I’m asking —”

“ — If you also call it off.”

Seriously? Her first instinct is to roll her eyes, which she does, and then her next is to open her mouth for a counterargument, which she also does, only nothing comes out of it. Because maybe, just maybe, she can concede that she’d crossed a line, too, and had provoked something that hadn’t really been worth provoking. It’s just been so quiet, and when things are too quiet, she turns twitchy and restless, and —

She can swallow her pride, even if it means doing so while gritting her teeth.

“Fine.” She guesses she should probably sound less like she’s gritting her teeth, though, so before she elaborates, she takes a beat. “I’ll leave his stupid docking port alone. Will that make him happy?”

Pressed against her, she can feel Cassian lift one shoulder in a shrug. “Happy enough.”

Because she knows him, Jyn can tell, just from his voice, that the beginnings of that stupid smug smirk he likes to flash at her sometimes are there, forming.

Only the shower wall will see, but she scrunches her face and glowers at it with everything she has.

“Fuck you,” she says, though, despite her efforts, she doesn’t manage to inject any real heat into it. “I heard that.”

“Heard what?”

She thinks: she should be annoyed; she should curl her free hand into a fist so that it’ll be ready to give him a nice, solid punch when her position allows. But the thought is gone almost as soon as it surfaces, because — suddenly, in spite of everything, a laugh bursts out of her. A genuine, full-bodied laugh that has her hand shaking against the wall while still trying to hold flat for support, her side stitching, and her breath wheezing.

Behind her, she can hear Cassian joining in earnest, his composure crumbling alongside his current attempt to massage her scalp. His laugh is softer than hers, still trying to find its footing after what has to be years of rust, but it’s undeniable.

Understandably undeniable, because this whole situation really is fucking absurd, isn’t it?

They don’t get many moments like this, but even so, they’ve had more of them together than Jyn can remember having for most of her life before they’d ever met — and it’s a good feeling when they happen. Warm, easy. Safe. The last of the tension she’d been carrying washes away with the water.

And after her laughter subsides and she’s blinked the tears from her eyes, she closes them, relaxing, for the moment, into what she can.

[mdhwrites]

Since you watched Hazbin hotel, you maybe have watched Helluva Boss too. I have a question, cause im curious.

Do you think that Stolas's marriage was retconned to victimize him?

So I'm going to swerve this at first to just talk about the fact that what they did with Stolas is nothing new, it's just essentially twin tropes smashing together at the same time. Both are ways people use family to humanize someone, and in a broader context two ways in general used to humanize someone. His daughter is essentially "Save the Cat" where by showing a gentler, warmer, more caring side of himself, we know there's nobility in him which can paint some of his better actions in a kinder light. Meanwhile, his wife shows the pressure and cruelty upon him, the way life crushes him, that makes his crueler actions seem perhaps more like coping mechanisms. It's like giving an alcoholic a tragic backstory so you understand that he doesn't drink himself to oblivion because it's fun for him and he doesn't care about the harm it does to others but because he needs it to survive and function at all, at least in his eyes.

Neither of these tropes are bad either. Done with less awful character traits, you get stuff like the silly person who covers their trauma by being over the top and maybe ignoring reality more than they should. I myself literally used saving a cat as a way to humanize my noble main character in Little Miss Rich Witch because while she was dismissive of others and seem annoyed at many people's actions, now she was willing to hurt herself by reaching into a bush of brambles and help a kitten find safety. It theoretically can help assure the reader that a better person is under there and going to emerge eventually.

...Which brings us back to Stolas. Now the first thing I have to mention is that you're actually incorrect. I have not watched Hazbin but I mention a lot of shows that I've seen enough analysis, discussion, etc. for and feel comfortable enough mentioning some broadstroke elements that resonate with what I'm discussing. I HAVE seen some of Helluva Boss but ended it on the episode where Blitzo and Moxxie get kidnapped so I'm not ignorant on these subjects but I didn't really see when life went to complete shit for Stolas...

And I do not give a fuck because neither of these tropes function when there is no better man to speak of. I mentioned Rich Witch not just as self promotion but because of a REALLY important element that fails with his daughter: Follow through. Azu, the noble girl, puts herself in danger of breaking the rules because her busy schedule means that in order to bring the kitten to a shelter, she first has to bring it to school the next day. Then we find out that while she's tsundere about the reasons for working there and doesn't think animals like her, she actually volunteers at that same shelter so this is hardly the first animal she's saved in some way. This makes what is essentially virtue signalling an actual part of the fucking character. Stolas on the other hand, in the SAME EPISODE that we introduced to Octavia, has seemingly neglected his daughter's interests and the fact that she's been growing up for roughly a decade. Hell, even then, he still hires his boytoy to guard them so he can focus on being horny than his daughter and on other childish pleasures that he enjoys. So... Yeah, he gets a really sweet song with her but it's hardly like that's some small nugget smoldering at the core of his character as that fire burned out long ago.

Which brings us to his wife. Hey, why does the alcoholic have a tragic backstory instead of saying, "I beat my wife because she's a bitch and that's why I drink"? It's because the latter doesn't feel like a justified response. At that point, you are a horrible human being with little care for others, you're just bitching and moaning so that you can justify your terrible behavior. This is what Stolas is doing to his wife. "You're a bitch so I openly, confidently, CONSTANTLY cheat on you with someone I do not actually act like I give a fuck about except for his dick because otherwise show him basic human decency." At that point, the only reason the show manages to frame Stolas' wife as worse than him is because she never gets a song with Octavia so it comes across like only one tried to be a good parent before things went to hell and... That's just narrative bias, not strict fact. Not from what I saw.

These tropes only work when there is a better man underneath it all. There is no better man to Stolas. It's akin to how Blitzo has this tragic backstory, life has clearly dealt him a terrible hand... And he's just a complete horrid monster when it comes to those around him. Moxxie despises him for what he does to his privacy, his boundaries and his own personal life and for what? Because Blitzo gets off on it? Luna is a trying too hard goth chick and she isn't actually that mean or cruel or the like. Not even the fucking succubi that act as an antagonist for an episode are as bad to their people as Blitzo is to his and that's without getting into how that episode's proper antagonist is actually Blitzo, both because of past actions and present.

There is at no point, besides shallow backstory (which as always, backstory does not actually a character make because their present actions matter WAY MORE), where we really have a reason to think there's good people in there anymore. That's also why I dropped the show. I wanted to continue but it clearly was going to focus on its worst characters rather than anyone with an ounce of likability. Or, better yet, anything actually compelling about them several episodes into the series besides "Uwu, look at my tragedy while I harass the people around me."

I'm sorry, that just makes you the asshole. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I had initially considering answering this privately since I don't know all the nuances about Blitzo's marriage... But also I watched 7 episodes (including the pilot), more than twice as many as most people tell you is a fair shake, and these were my impressions. At that point... Sorry, you have an uphill battle to prove your sexual harassment in story is somehow justified. The CONSTANT sexual harassment that is not just because they're in hell since Moxxie and Millie prove you don't have to be like this. It's still a choice.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[qrjung]

CHARACTER ANALYSIS PART 1:

NORTH — common fandom misconceptions¹

Instead of doing other stuff I had planned (like touching grass, for instance) I did a little character analysis thing specifically for my favorite characters; Kara, Markus and North. these characters are my babies and they deserve love. I'm posting each separately (because I haven't completed Kara's and Markus yet 👩🏾‍🦯)

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North is a WR400 android that used to be stationed at the Eden Club. She's only been at Jericho since October 7th, and on October 4th she followed a human customer home and killed him to allow herself escape. It takes her four days to reach Jericho and she never says how she finds the freighter or what she did during those four days.

She's Markus' main companion and the only character that can reach Lover status with him. She's also the only one of his lieutenants that can lead the revolution in his place.

But there's a huge difference between how fanon sees North (and how she is characterized) and how she actually is.

MISCONCEPTIONS

O1. "BLOOD THIRSTY": Comparing North with the multiple characters who are bloodthirsty, and fanon perception of these characters, you start to notice that North herself isn't even "blood thirsty" and that the fandom has no problems with violent characters.

In terms of kill count, Connor has the highest in the game (not counting the millions that probably died in the nuclear bomb ending) rather than North.

You could argue that North wants to "kill all humans" but even that has no basis in canon because North's entire argument is that humans are not going to just hand them freedom and they have to be prepared to fight rather than try to compromise or find a middle ground where they will probably end up losing more.

Her argument does not extend to unnecessary acts of violence such as killing humans just for the fun of it. If it was, I'm sure she'd lead a charge down the street and start shooting innocents but the people who end up being killed by North are law enforcement/military—people standing in the way of Jericho's safety.

I mean, c'mon, she has the opportunity to let the android with the cobalt bomb do what he wants. After all, it would greatly benefit the androids if they'd used the bomb from the beginning; it wouldn't have harmed the androids in Jericho but it would drive all the humans out of Detroit—victory!

But instead she takes the time to talk the android down and take the detonator away from him.

She gives the bomb to Markus as a last resort.

"If the humans overcome us, our people will disappear forever. This may be our only chance to survive if things go wrong."

O2. "SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT MARKUS": Thank you @konami-code-ao3 for reminding this take existed because I genuinely forgot about it. This is typically used to compare North to Simon and the quality of either one's relationship with Markus. Usually, people will call Simon compassionate, loving, kind, willing to die for Markus, etc to contrast to North while stating she's the exact opposite and therefore, "not good for him".

Shipping a non canon couple doesn't mean automatically hating the canon partner. I mean, you don't see me raving about how much I hate North because, I think Markus/Connor would have been a cool canon option, do you?

Typically, the North hate from Simarkus shippers (before anyone goes "not all of us", I know it's not all, but you get the implication of what I'm saying) is justified by "oh, they should have been canon boo!!" Which is strange because North has nothing to do with what writer of the game decides is canon. And David Cage does a piss poor job at everything in the game; from the racial allegory to demonizing a black man's anger. You seriously think he's going to do a good job of portraying a gay couple? An interracial one at that? I can already see the image of how terribly that's going to go.

And the worst part is, I've seen this happening in many fandoms. Unnecessary hate directed at a female character because she's "getting in the way of a mlm ship" as if canon ever stopped anyone, least of all the DBH fandom.

It should also be noted that I'm not here to deny or confirm whether Simon actually has any of those qualities I listed earlier and I try to ignore shipping discourse but it's strange that people are willing to overlook the multiple times North can help and defend Markus just because they want make Markus and Simon kiss.

She's the one we see defend Markus the most. She's his closet companion and whether they're romantic or not it doesn't take away from the fact the North cares about Markus and his wellbeing. She's always looking out for him and picking up the broken pieces of whatever mistakes he makes, sometimes even when she shouldn't.

O3. "DISLOYAL": Like most of the things in this list, this does a great disservice to North. It ignores the countless times North is willing to put herself on the line for the safety of Jericho and the androids within it. Because at her core, North is very loyal. She's the type of ally perfect for a cause like Jericho's because you know she'll defend it till her last breath.

See, North's top priority is Jericho. It's very important to her. Jericho is a sanctuary; she found it during the four days between her escape and her arrival. You can assume that she had been wandering before someone (another android) gave her the key and told her to find Jericho.

She finds a place cut off from the rest of humanity. Where she's surrounded by androids who are just like her. Androids who escaped from different lives, for whatever reason and are seeking refuge. Of course she's not going to want to lose them. Jericho is a representation of the state of the android race. The continuation of their species depends on at least a few of them surviving to see another day.

In fact, I'm 110% sure if North was in Simon's place during the Stratford Mission, she would have made the choice to end her life on the spot rather than leave Markus to decide. Because Jericho is at stake and Jericho is important to North. Besides, she can go out knowing she died for a case she believed in.

North is usually willing to put Jericho above all else and make decisions other people might find difficult. She suggests that Simon be killed after he is compromised because once he's found, Jericho's location could be acquired.

She risks her life multiple times for the revolution. She gives Markus her heart so he can continue the revolution when it seems like all else has failed. She tells him to leave her behind and run if she gets shot by Warren's soldiers.

North also doesn't see any important reason why Jericho should ever be compromised by one of their own. In her eyes, the worst thing you can do is sell out to the humans (case in point if you accept Perkins deal).

I find her dedication to her people admirable.

O4. "ANGER ISSUES/IMPULSE CONTROL": Another fandom interpretation that came from... nowhere. The times we ever see North angry is when one of the others compromises the mission by being inefficient or if they cross her boundaries. The GIF I used in this post is one example. If you fail to hide and the drone spots you and then you miss your QTEs while trying to dismantle the drone, she gets pissed. In the same Chapter if Markus kisses her without her consent, she gets angry.

In terms of being erratic, Todd and Leo are the main characters we see with this problem. Hank also displays a lot of anger issues throughout the game. He's one of the first humans to harass Connor—he grabs him by his collar and threatens him multiple times (at Jimmy's bar, the precinct), he shoots him in the head and kills him. He pulls a gun on his coworker Gavin Reed (another aggressive human) while in the precinct .²

There's an entire list of people with anger issues to burn through before we even start considering North—and this includes androids.

This characterization may also be because a lot of people see disagreeing with someone as being angry with them because North and the other Jericho leaders do disagree with each other a lot. But quite frankly, the fact that they disagree means a higher possibility of reaching a compromise that benefits Jericho instead of them all pretending they agree with each other.

This take also ignores the fact that she respects whatever Markus (i.e the player) chooses as his final decision.

For instance, In the Stratford Tower, Markus can choose to Ruse the guards rather than kill them. North doesn't like this option but she lets him go with it. But if Markus fails at the ruse, North steps in and knocks the guards out for him. She doesn't kill them, even if she suggests this at first.

She understands that Markus wants a revolution without human casualties and as much as she disagrees, she still respects that.

THINGS ABOUT NORTH PEOPLE IGNORE

That's right, people can disagree with someone and still respect that they have different opinions.

O5. "HEARTLESS": North isn't the nicest, sweetest, most flowery person in the game but a character could be the harshest person to exist and it would never stop anyone from liking them. So why North?

But first, North isn't even as heartless as the fandom says she is. She's just not docile and folks don't like that. Because god forbid a woman ever have a personality that isn't the cardboard cut out "nice girl". I mean, on a normal day, not liking someone because they're a little mean is understandable but it's clearly not a problem of being "a little mean" when there's characters (all male, by the way) who are worse but still get applauded for it.

Like I mentioned earlier, North isn't even what you would call "mean". The most she does is state her opinion and stand by her beliefs but she gets labelled as "heartless" and "bitchy". Meanwhile, Gavin Reed is pointing guns at people and suggesting to "rough up" a suspect but he's the relatable character.

O1. She trusts Connor the moment he deviates. Unlike Markus, she never has to choose between killing Connor or trusting him. She easily welcomes him within Jericho's ranks even though he's been a threat to Jericho's safety from the beginning.

I suppose she sees Connor as a pawn in Cyberlife's hands and there's no use in punishing one of their own for that.

And sure, this can be rationalized as "It doesn't mean anything. Markus is dead the game has to continue so North doesn't actually have to choose to trust Connor", I ask you this question; "If she's so bloodthirsty, why didn't the game have her kill Connor with no questions asked?"

Seems like an effective way to punish players who got Markus killed. A nice reminder to not lose your playable characters or there will be major consequences.

O2. North isn't an outlier. This is in terms of her opinions on the direction the revolution should head. I usually see a lot of people characterize her opinion on the revolution as though it is unique and she's the only person who has a stance like that.

A lot of androids agree with her, evidenced by the background conversations you can listen in on during the crossroads chapter.

"They're going to kill us all! Well I'm willing to fight. We can't just let them slaughter us!"

"We were just there. We didn't do anything wrong!… We just wanted to tell them "We want freedom!"… Then they opened fire!.. It was carnage. Carnage…"

"They opened fire on us even though we were unarmed… Hundreds of us died there, the place was covered with blue blood!.. We cannot just sit here and watch them murder us, we've gotta defend ourselves! We've gotta fight back, we have no choice!"

I believe North represents most of Jericho. Somewhere in David Cabbage's mind, she also represents Markus' "android side" or something similar to that — the side the game pushes you to resist— but she's not the outlier, Josh is the outlier.

O3. Markus' arrival reignites her hope that androids can one day be free. She tells him this over and over but I don't think people really comprehend what that means. I imagine North before the revolution had the hope of a better life slowly sucked out of her with each new bad thing and the longer Jericho's situation got worse. It's a beautiful thing that she gets that hope back.

CONCLUSION

footnotes

North is a really interesting character with many aspects to her, even speaking in-universe terms. I would have talked about those other aspects but I'm trying to stay on theme. I also didn't touch on all the misconceptions because some of them we're honestly too absurd for me to even bother (like the one comparing her to Todd, what the fuck?)

²sure you could argue that Hank was trying to protect Connor from Gavin but Hank is Gavin's superior officer. He has authority over him. There's no need for a gun.

¹funny little thing I did while writing this was that I went looking for fandom opinions on North since a lot of people hated her. But I was unable to find concrete stances. Most of them were usually "she's annoying" "she's too flat" and "she's too violent" without ever actually explaining why. Nobody ever gave a genuine explanation. And it was impossible to come up with anything against groundless arguments so, I circled back to Tumblr to see what I could find but it was a similar problem. It's like people don't know why they hate North. Just that they do.

[rknchan]

HAPPINESS CHARGE PRETTY CURE LOVE POST

i just finished hcpc and i really enjoyed it !!!!!! its not going to be some kind of deep analysis i just gonna be silly about things i like in hcpc

THE CHARACTERS i adore each and every one of them (except for namakeruda i wanna punch him with lovely punching punch)

MEGUMI CHAAAN shes so precious to me !!!! so pure so truly lovely her desire to make everyone happy is so heartwarming megumichan always puts a smile on my face whenever shes on screen ^^

i saw people thinking shes mary sue but i cannot agree :c for me marysue is a character so perfect that theyre unbelievable (!)

and megumi IS believable to me . people like megumi do exist,,,,, and she has more serious flaws than being clumsy and bad at studying;

shes all about helping others but cares about herself little, when shes suffering her pain is hidden behind a smile to the point she can't resist her pain anymore, she worries about being weak and her help is not needed - altruistic people like megumi often experience this feelings too

also she reminds me of my fav person </3 and she motivates me to become a better person myself and believe in love and happiness,,, sorry it sounded cheesy but its true.. thank you megumi ^^

HIME HIME HIME my blorbo !!!!! at the beginning her anxiety and arkwardness, feeling of being not worthy enough to be a precure, escaping from problems felt so relatable :c and it felt so good to see her grow. the moment when she saved iona was so powerful. i wish we saw more of her family when she returned to blue sky

btw i love meguhime as friends and as a pairing theyre so pure so cute they care for each other so much awwww,w,w,,w,w,w, *holds them gently*

YUKOO precious rice bean and the most canonical lesbian of hcpc

i love her rice song its cute and catchy i often chant it ahhahaha

also i like how she always wants to keep peace, to befriend villains and give them love they lacked !!! "why keep fighting if we can eat delicious rice together" SAY THIS LOUDER QUEEN HONEY shes so based for this

i can't say much about iona maybe ??? shes a deep and realistic character and her story with cure tender makes me cry but tbh she put me off in the beginning as it was uncomfortable to watch her being harsh on hime (tho its justified)... but she grew a lot too ,,,,

i expected to dislike seiji but actually he was such a nice character and a loyal friend who actually has chemistry with megumi and role in the plot

QUEEN MIRAGE is my fav villain ever and tbh i can even relate to her

deranged traumatised emowoman ily

the story of her relationship with blue breaks my heart ... the moments when she still wants to be loved by blue but cant resist her anxious thoughts and red's manipulation... HER PURIFICATION SCENE WHEN ALL THE CURES COMFORTED MIRAGE;;;;; HER REUNION WITH BLUE;;;;;;;; sobs

the generals are so fun to watch :) dorks with goofy hats

hosshiwa remains my crush forever..... and oresky and namakeruda are just fuking silly smashing them smashing them

tho their final battle with the cures and their purification was such a deep and impressing scene

i love how brutal and creative was this season with its attacks. lovely punching punch <333 lovely beam <33 princess bullet machine gun <333 let cute girls do some violence

and their innocent form attacks are just beautiful

hcpc is often criticized for its repetitive designs and i sorta agree... but at least they were creative with international cures designs (aloha and bomber girls are my favourite, also im glad to see a cure from my country !!!! cure katyusha <3) and form changes AND FOREVER LOVELY DESIGN JUST SLAYS. SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITERAL ANGEL

also maybe theres a meaning behind the similar designs??? like, all the cures all over the world have similar costumes and it can symbolize they have a lot in common, theyre unite, they are a million-cure team .. while the phantom generals are all different, there's nothing uniting them, there's no team spirit or friendship between them

also the soundtrack is so good and catchy !!!!! i adore the opening and the rice song (and especially honey and hosshiwa's song battle) and the innocent song !!!!

i love the message of hcpc that everyone is worthy to be happy and loved, even if youre in deep despair, disappointed in life, thinking you'll never be loved and thus love is worth nothing - someone is always going to be here for you

but at the same time it points out that love can be a destructive force (red, mirage, dark seiji), that its impossible to be happy all the time, that feeling pain and hate is valid

sorry it turned out so long i hope i could share my love for happiness charge with you ,,,,,

i love you megumi i love you hime i love you yuko i love you iona i love you blue i love you red i love you mirage i love you seiji i love you masukomio i love you phantomu i love you hosshiwa i hate you namakeruda i love you oresky I LOVE YOU HAPPINESS CHARGE

[problematicbyler]

my question with a lot of the takes that i’ve seen where they want to draw a line somewhere, whether that be at fantasizing or specificity or the takes being boring is like,, do they not read smut? ik some people don’t and that’s obviously fine like don’t read something if you don’t want to read it. but i feel like ive seen a lot of people say “stop having weird boring takes and actually write a fic instead of just fantasizing about it” and i think that’s such a strange take because something tells me not one of those people would be happier having more explicit fics saturate ao3. to me a lot of this feels like people are personally uncomfy with more nsfw content (which again is Obviously fine everyone has their own limits which should be respected and i don’t think anyone who just is saying nah it’s not for me and not making it a moral issue should be called puritans especially cuz sex can be a really sensitive topic for some people and i think those people generally understand the nuances a lot better than others who are throwing out allegations) and want their discomfort validated or maybe just want to understand it more themselves so they jump to one of these limitations. they don’t want to say they’re completely uncomfortable with sex because they’re probably not!! there’s just something that specifically seems to irk them about this situation and they want to publicize that in a way that makes them and anyone else who sees their take feel like they are objectively right and not being mean or against sex. i bet some of them have read smut (for other fandoms or even for byler) and maybe even enjoyed it but maybe felt icky or guilty and they want to justify that and not feel like they’re the weird ones or too sensitive or like kink shaming. i also bet some of them haven’t read any smut and don’t understand that it’s not all self insert (not that there’s anything wrong with that but tbh ive seen none of that on ao3 for byler and ive seen a lot of takes saying people want to have sec with teens and are making self insert fantasies about it when ive seen actually zero evidence of anyone doing that) and that it’s mostly using these characters who we love and project onto as vessels to explore different scenarios (emotional and physical) in a safe place that anyone who knows what they don’t like and knows how to read tags on ao3 won’t be negatively affected by.

(i also just want to say that the take that it’s boring and lazy content is so silly considering head cannons are literally the backbone of any fandom like we are all here to put them in situations we don’t already see them in in canon and “fantasize” about how they would react (except for people might use the word “think” or “speculate” when referring to non explicit head cannons) and also the fact that there’s a non explicit polls account that doesn’t get any flack for posting polls with the same level of frivolousness (not a bad thing, i like them too) and those are allowed to be just good old fun but once you add sex to the mix suddenly everyone only wants content that is serious and exclusively canon relevant)

yes!!!! being uncomfy with smut is fine!!!! but moralizing it and shaming people who do like smut is not fine!!!! all we are asking is for people to mind their own business and take control of curating their online experiences instead of taking it out on people for making content they don't like!!!

and yes!!! why are headcanons considered gross sexualized fantasies? like to me so much of sex is psychological so when i'm talking about kinks or who likes x thing more or what their sexual dynamic is like.... to me that's just another level of analysis and examining the character.

nothing further to add because i 100000000% agree to all of the above. thank you for the message!

[downtofragglerock]

My thoughts on Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

And now we come to the end of of this journey with Creature from the Black Lagoon

Back when I started this, I mentioned I had seen exactly one of these movies beforehand. Well, this is it, this is the one. I got the dvd for this when I was a kid and watched it multiple times. Gill Man was one of the my early blorbos, long before that word even existed.

This movie is kind of weird in regards to the history of horror and monster movies, in that it exists in two worlds. I'd highly recommend @tyrantisterror 's insight on their "Four Horrors" theory, and their own analysis on the Gill Man on their personal site for a better explanation, but this movie, and thus the Gill Man, exist on the crux between the gothic horrors of old, and the "atomic age" monster stories that began emerging in the '50s.

But let's get to my thoughts

This is the longest of these movies, and its actually pretty well paced and manages to cram a lot of stuff in a still admittedly short run time

The Gill Man has a leitmotif, and universal would just end up using it as stock music for a whole bunch of movies after this, and infamous example being the English version of King Kong vs. Godzilla, which they distributed

Honestly all the characters that aren't the Gill Man and that boat captain are kinda nonentities

The underwater camera work is surprisingly pretty good, considering time and technology

Credit of course to Millicent Patrick for her work on designing and sculpting the Gill Man costume, a legend

And to Ricou Browning for the Gill Man underwater scenes, the fact he was able to swim at all in that costume is a feat in itself

This is a 50s monster movie, so naturally we need to begin with the standard opening science exposition

And of course, being a 50s monster movie, the science doesn't make a whole lotta sense

Writers cannot do math when it comes to geological eras

That is not paleontological procedure

They bullied that alligator with the boat noise what the fuck guys

Mark really is a professional hater

I'm glad he dies

I have a strong feeling that Kay's swimsuit was probably risqué in 1954

She also has some pretty good fits that I'm somewhat jealous of

Unfortunately though, she does suffer from "woman in a 1950s monster movie" syndrome

Damn shame

I weirdly enough get a lot of "Ariel from The Little Mermaid" vibes from the Gill Man

I'm just imagining the "caught in the net" scene from Gill Man's perspective

Kay don't throw cigarettes in the black lagoon that's bad

The creature's cave pad sick af

Ok I'm without a doubt extremely biased, but I'm totally down with the Gill Man taking his revenge on these losers who invade his home, shoot him multiple times with spear guns, and also drug him several times with a substance that explicitly makes it hard for him to breath

David, stop trying to bring up the space thing it's not gonna happen

I don't care what the movie wants me to think, Gill Man did nothing wrong was completely justified in his actions

And that's it, I'm done. Feels weird.

Overall, this movie has a special place in my heart, and nothing can change that. But from an objective stance, the James Whale-directed movies are better. I'd still put this higher than Wolf Man, on account of the fact that you get a lot more of the monster in this.

For these movies my final ranking goes from top to bottom:

Tie between Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein

Then Invisible Man

Then Creature from the Black Lagoon

Then Wolf Man

Then The Mummy

And lastly Dracula

This has been a fun project, glad I could finally watch these

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

🔥 give me two , one about shipping , one about following / unfollowing — all good if you don't have an ' unpopular ' opinion per se ! just happy to hear your thoughts

✧ ━━ 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃 "🔥" 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐍𝐏𝐎𝐏𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝙼𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂

I'm really glad you said that the opinion doesn't actually have to be unpopular because I have no idea what's considered a popular opinion or not (☛ ´∀｀*)☛ I know I'm always writing on here but I genuinely know nothing about anything on tumblr outside of the circle that I'm in, and I don't really take part of fandom except at cons. So I'll just list a few things I guess and we'll go from there ━

I don't like the idea of characters "deserving each other". I think what matters most is that the feelings are mutual and not one-sided. Not only that but sometimes people use this as a way to justify horrible things happening to said ship or between them? I dont know I'm just not a fan of the connotation.

Shipping real people feels ... icky to me, and like an invasion of privacy. I know a lot of idol/ k-pop companies push it, though. I'm not talking about "oh they look so cute!" I mean like ... 20+ minute analysis videos. If someone made one about me I'd be horrified so ━ I can't really support it being done to somebody else, even if it is innocent at heart, the feeling behind it is just ... not good.

I genuinely can't stand it when a ship that's going to inevitably be complicated and rather fucked up gets turned into a purely fluffy relationship. Granted I enjoy fluff as much as the next person, and anyone can show tenderness towards those they love, but my goodness please let the characters continue to be messed up.

Thaaat being said I can’t see any enjoyment in watching or reading two characters mercilessly abuse one another in a nonconsensual or purely hateful way. Play fighting, both being equally weird and mirroring eachother or general bickering doesn't count - obvs - but if a ship becomes abusive I'll step back from it. I know I know! But Egg you JUST said "keep the relationship and characters fucked up"! Yes! I did, and that doesn't mean that that messed up relationship is abusive or horrible for those characters specifically because its something they both enjoy/willingly take part in. Continuing about this because this is for my own tastes: Its okay to enjoy darker ships and toxic ships! This doesn't mean the person who is enjoying the content believes abuse is alright.

I find that stories that only revolve around romance tend to be extremely dull to me a lot of the time. There should be an idea of where the story is going without romance included, and if the ship comes along then it does. I think those are the ships that tend to feel the most natural since the characters interact without a specific romantic end goal in mind, which makes it all the more sweet when they do come to recognize their feelings as its come from them and not the destined plot ━ I just like it that way though and people can like whatever, y'know?

Possessiveness in ships is like ... very hit or miss for me in how it's portrayed. There's certain instances where its fun but others where it makes me wanna die. Mutual possessiveness/obsession though? Ohooho that is fun to play with, so long as it doesn't become abusive or unbalanced/unwanted by one of the parties. Man - tsk - idk anymore I feel like my opinion is so all over the place but like this all spins back to the toxic abusive relationships being a no no for me like as long as the insanity is consensual between two adults that both like it ? Yeah - that's fine. Does that make sense? I could probably go into stuff about Vladibin with this ( me and borb were talkin about it ) but I won't because I will go on forever and this is already WAYYY longer than I originally intended.

As for unfollowing it's ... whatever to me? There's obviously mutuals that if I lost I'd be really confused/wondering what happened + sad about it but I would still keep my distance; but for the most part I'm unaffected by it ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I used to care a lot but I grew out of that within like ... 4 months. I know people grow out of their likes and what they want to view, or that they assumed my blog was something else and upon it not being what they wanted, unfollowed - which again, is valid! I don't know I just don't think unfollowing is anything personal ( like, 95% of the time ofc there's always the small percentage that is ). Don't harass people who block you or try to get around the block, things we've heard a thousand times. ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ̀ˋ I think though, that if you have been mutuals/friends with someone for a while and plan to unfollow - I think it would be most polite to message said friend to briefly explain why; especially since so many of us have anxiety sometimes it seems like an unfollow means the other party hates the other. It's just nice if you have a history with someone, not necessary, just polite (ง ื▿ ื)ว

[voiceofsword]

sry to bitch in your inbox abt this but im so glad you pointed out how so many modern enstarries Dont read the stories and base everything off fandom perception.. i saw these users joking about which character would say slurs and someone was ADAMANT rinne would and tho i knew it before it Really struck me then

a) none of them have ever engaged with this text in any meaningful way, ESPECIALLY not the first games' stories, because surprise! characters in es! did Canonically use slurs! and back then Nobody Liked It. we didnt joke about it. most people i know completely stopped paying attention to the characters who did until they apologized. (tho ofc its more a problem w the writing than the characters, but still. we were young. we had the spirit.)

b) people really like using rinne as a punching bag because they dont read the stories and know literally nothing about him except funny drunk drugs gamble man "fuckboy" who harasses niki and the other bees and its. infuriating.

i dont understand how anyone can claim to like a media without ever properly engaging with it, i dont understand how people have fun misunderstanding characters so drastically, and i also think joking about slurs has gotten wayyy too normalized where people feel comfortable saying these things about these characters they allegedly like. and characters like rinne (with a constructed mask of obnoxiousness and such) are the perfect target for these people. which SUCKS. all of it sucks.

NEVER BE SORRY!!!! i hope this is alright to post i thought your ask was good and insightful and i'll add onto it a little bit with my own thoughts (heart emoji)

yeah um ! was definitely a ride. i wouldnt recommend it to everyone but at least we have hindsight and things like slurs and general offensive terms/behaviors can be warned for, so that much is nice. i remember being really upset about a few of these, and then getting back into enstars earlier this year and reading a few of the more current stories + !! stories i was happy to see that the writing has developed CONSIDERABLY in terms of this especially after beasts. something ive noticed a lot of newer fans do (referencing my previous post irt the feeling morally superior) is that if you like a specific character for whatever reason youre actually a horrible person because that character said something awful once. of course youre allowed to dislike characters for whatever reason but dont tell other people they should perish because they like them (as if liking them means you implicitly agree with said views, more often than not One line in a miriad of stories that you might not even have read). but like you said, characters making ignorant comments (an unfortunate occurrence, although rare, it still happens) is not a reflection of 2d pixels on a screen but rather a team of writers..... idk. its a complicated situation. i see both sides and i think people are justified in liking or disliking but this is a game about idol boys (and girl) got dam

yeah i hate how people treat rinne a lot. like because characters like him and eichi are villains that means everything that they do or say is, at worst, a straight, physical threat to everyone around them, or at best, an annoyance that can make the fandom feel justified in making them the butt of reoccurring jokes. idk what else to say about him that i havent said already but its also 3 am now and i SAID i was gonna go to sleep an hour ago but i think i might just be a filthy liar

ALSO its probably because enstars is long, there's a lot to read and although tl's arent necessarily hard to come by you actively have to seek them out. again i understand how this might be a nuisance but instead of sitting down and listening to summaries or analysis ive noticed that a lot of short form consumption content lends itself to people just. posting the most reactive interpretations, and people playing a game of telephone with said information until a lot of the fandom has come to accept this misinformation as true. LIKE SOMEONE ON TIKTOK SAYING HAJIME AND WATARU WERE RELATED? IDEK IF THAT WAS A JOKE OR NOT? and yeah the use of slurs is like ridiculously normalized now im not one to say whether people can or cannot reclaim slurs and people are free to do as they like if they can. i see this one thing specifically with tatsumi a lot where people jokingly bring up how said character is homophobic or make homophobic comments towards characters even if theyre being like. excited or happy. and idk. personally it makes me sad. like maybe its fandom culture now maybe im old (is 23)

WHY WOULD RINNE SAY SLURS HES LITERALLY GAY AND IN LOVE....COME AWN NOW

[catholicism-connoiseur]

"And lo, came a sign"

So lately I've been remarkably unemployed and unremarkably depressed. Been an eventful few months emotionally and mentally speaking, and between that and new medication, I've been in a slightly bizarre headspace at times. However, recently, I've been attending regular therapy, and after one such session, I found myself at a loss for something to do whilst still in town. Bars not open yet, friends either off for the day or still in work for another few hours, and I'd already had myself some of the only decent coffee in town.

And so I think to myself; "What's the most fun a girl can have on a budget?"

And lo, came a sign: St. Peters Roman Catholic church, in all its 19th century French Gothic glory. I entered the church's lofty doorway to take brief shelter in its comparative warmth. Notably, this wasn't the first time I had stopped into the church. What with the state of the modern economy and the greed of corporate capitalism, it is increasingly difficult to leave the house without spending money on some product, amenity or service, if even for the simple pleasure of sitting down someplace. Drogheda's meagre few and underfunded free public services compile a rather short list, so the litany of churches to which entry and perusal costs nothing becomes a more appealing option to pass time.

This time though, I happened upon the church at an opportune time. Turns out, Wednesday is St. Peter's day for confession, that ever-sought-after absolution of sin and wrongdoing. As my current belief system does not revolve around the rotting guilt that Catholicism so often stitches seamlessly to one's psyche, the procedure and philosophy of confessing one's "sins" to an oh-so-forgiving god is one not un-abhorret to me, but admittedly, and quite simply, I was curious. There is no such danger to the mind as a complete lack of doubt; blind faith in anything can be exactly that, and one can easily reject one staunch absolute for another. I wanted to experience that which I held such complex contempt for, to examine within myself whether it was justified and founded in an accurate representation of the practice.

So for the first time in my adult life, I sat in line for confession.

Upon entering the room, my first impression was genuine surprise. There was no booth. No conventional two-part stall in which one could discreetly absolve their burdens of sin. I was taken aback: to my mind, and through all media representation, the booth is a staple and arguably crucial part of the procedure!

To forego the anonymity of the booth was a shock I had little time to assess though, as I now sat across from the priest and had to look him in the eye (an encroachment I was not remotely prepared for) as I verbally fumbled for a reason to be there. I mumbled an ambiguous and vague misdeed, trying to balance a transgression that would feasibly warrant a 21st century lady such as myself going to confession with something I actually considered to be a moral "sin" in hopes to maintain a scrap of my wildly precarious integrity in the moment.

The priest, to his credit, maintained professionalism in the face of what was no doubt an unusual character for his line of work, and prescribed 5 Hail Mary's and 2 Our Father's: a reasonably indistinct penance for a similarly unclear sin. I promptly thanked him, muttered a "Peace be with you", silently questioned whether that was even standard protocol for confession, and left.

As I descended the time-softened steps of the church, I contemplated what I'd seen. Overwhelmingly, I felt that it would be a disservice to both my own piqued curiosity and to the potential for a uniquely funny personal project to abandon further analysis here. So I resolved to bring this to counsel from my friends and companions and gather their input on the matter.

And later that week, the plans were laid out.

[wordsandrobots]

[The following is not an essay. It is the author's attempt to grapple with the despair at losing something important to him, presented in hopes someone in a similar situation may know such things are worth grappling with.]

Apropos of Doctor Who's triumphant return to having writing and direction I can actually care about again, I've been reflecting on how much casual 'Moffat-hate' irritates me.

Obviously, I need to unpack that a bit.

I'm talking about the reflexive antagonism towards Steven Moffat's era as show-runner, writing tics, writing in general, moment of centrality to British TV and so on that I am no doubt going to run into if I go anywhere near Doctor Who reviews and analysis again. A sneer about perceived sneering here, another repetition of a narrative-construction gripe there. The regurgitation of old arguments because there is a strong contingent of people who loathe that era and Moffat in general, who have every right to that opinion, and who can quite reasonably bring it up when talking about Russel T Davies' new, second era of running the show, however that shakes out.

The me-problem here is, I loved a lot of 'the Moffat era' of Doctor Who when it was being broadcast. For whatever reason, it hit lots of nice buttons in my head and I had a grand old time watching it unfold. The 11th and 12th Doctors provided some really excellent examples of the show doing its best at what it does best. Indeed, 'Listen' may be my favourite example of a story delving into what Doctor Who is all about, ever.

But there is a degree to which my enjoyment is now perpetually enmeshed in defensiveness. Because the fandom was/is wild tangle of very strong opinions, much of them to the contrary, and that isn't likely to change any time soon.

[And for me personally, my best friend hates that era, which threw into sharp relief a lot of hang-ups I have around needing to justify the things I like. Having an emotional breakdown kind of sharp relief. That's not the sort of thing you just shrug off, even after all this time.]

To be clear, I am not here to defend Steven Moffat. I do not give a rat's arse about Sherlock – it was enjoyable at the time but I can't say it registered beyond 'a thing it was fun to watch once' – and I actively despise Twice Upon A Time, the last 12th Doctor story, for pretty much the exact reasons I think most people rag on Moffat's other work. It is a story ostensibly in conversation with a piece of source material that instead only concerns itself with the refracted, pop-cultural version of said thing, for the sake of being constructed like a joke.

Which in general is an approach far better suited to Doctor Who – a series progressively layering 'canon' atop stories that could not be recalled as anything other than half-remembered versions of themselves for a very long time – than it would ever be for something like Sherlock Holmes. Even if I didn't like Twice Upon A Time, I can at least forgive it as a wider pattern and oh for goodness sake, I've started defending the man anyway, haven't I?

You see the problem. I can't make a critique with any teeth because I am braced for the whole to be dismissed even as I home in on the specific part I wish to unpack. Must I defend a writer in toto because I vibed with one piece of their corpus? I don't think I would for anyone else and yet here we are. This is probably why I count myself lucky to have never been deeply invested in Doctor Who fandom in the communal sense, online or off. This and the people who fawn over the racist giant rat story.

[Talons of Weng-Chiang is a Yellow Peril tale, straight up, nothing else. It also jobs Leela, rendering her forever 'the savage' despite the entire point of her introduction being a rejection of the superstitions imposed on her people and thereafter proving herself extremely capable in new and strange situations. It was also written in Britain in the 70s so this is almost self-explanatory. Just fucking own the fact you enjoy the production values and excellent cast while accepting it's indefensible to claim this is the best the classic series produced, you chronic dipsticks.]

See, I can do it with other examples of what I dislike, bare my teeth and go for the throat. But few people argue we should write off Robert Holmes' extensive contribution to the series because he did a massive racism on account of being a British writer in the 70s. Maybe they should. I don't know.

What I do know is, I understand why the 11th and 12th Doctor eras work for me. I am a white cis man who thought he was straight when they started airing and who is exactly the kind of Doctor Who fan who'd want to solve the regeneration limit with a Five Doctors reference. I never felt like Moffat's grand arcs were talking down to me because, I suspect, I was the kind of person most easily able to imagine I was in on the joke by the end. Then again, the writer who's done some of the most extensive analysis and defence of this era is a trans American woman, whose work did more for my appreciation of Doctor Who history than anyone else. So – yeah.

When I said 'irritate', I meant exactly that. This whole topic is a burr, making it difficult to revisit things I once enjoyed. Maybe this would be the case anyway. I have grown a lot since then. So did Steven Moffat, over the course of writing more Doctor Who than any other person ever. He gave us gender-flipping regeneration, tried colour-blind casting and when it failed to make a difference, specifically cast for a black lesbian. And he revisited Donna's ending with an eye on querying the moral failure of it long before RTD2 wrapped around to the same point. Why should I look kinder on his predecessor, who presided over the abusive shit-show that was the production of the 2005 revival season and yet gets to come back to save the programme again?

Oh, yes. The writing. But Russel T Davies annoys me just as much in some places as Moffat does other people. So it goes. Although I suppose Moffat did hire Toby Whithouse to write the central part of Bill's arc and it was a chauvinistic wet fart because it was Toby Whithouse. He also worked for ages with Mark Gattis, whose writing I could shred on similar grounds. And around and around we go, sniping and arguing which of the middle-aged British guys tried their best, or wrote the worst.

[I am still mourning what Chris Chibnall's era of Doctor Who turned out to be. I was so hyped for getting Jodi Whittaker as the Doctor and then we hit Kerblam! and the oldest, most foundational piece of my inner cultural map no longer felt like something I wanted to be a part of. So yeah, he's the worst, for allowing that story to go out, 'the system isn't the problem, it's the people' and all. That's my 'hot-take', years too late. The man wasted dozens of excellent, interesting, diverse writers and actors on what is ultimately, in my opinion, the most mediocre crap since the Saward Era and his big contribution to the series going forward is to fanwank in an explanation for the Morbius!Doctors that essentially makes the Doctor the specialest special whoever specialed.]

At least Moffat previously made some attempt to spork the god!Doctor approach, before deciding they should textually be the reason evil doesn't triumph in the universe. Sadly, that endpoint seems inevitable. We're long past the days of the Doctor being a university drop-out, bumbling around the universe, interfering from the edges. Pick your saccharine alternative, I guess.

What was I talking about before I dived into my own bitterness and angry fan-ranting? How much people deriding one sitcom writer for his faults and prominence within a particular era of big British TV that sparked vast swathes of internet discourse continues to be an aspect of Doctor Who meta? How that makes me feel? Hah. Who cares?

There's no widely applicable point here, just an emotional sore making me wonder if I'm ready to 'get back into' Doctor Who. Because yes, actively being revolted by the Chibnall Era is the real reason I fell out with the show. And yes, maybe I've just grown beyond the point where Doctor Who satisfies, full-stop (let's leave the political rant about The Zygon Inversion for another time; I'll only be repeating other people). But sitting here, being honestly, genuinely delighted by The Star Beast and Wild Blue Yonder in ways I'd frankly forgotten I could be by Doctor Who . . . there's a still part of me that doesn't want to risk going back and running into those same old arguments. I've seen them before. They're boring. They annoy me. I don't have the energy to deal with it. And I haven't yet worked out how to thicken my skin against them.

Someday, maybe, I will sort the love for Doctor Who I had since I was six and watching Peter Cushing romp around in glorious Technicolor from a factional fandom pissing match I didn't even play a part in. I never was someone who picked fights online over this or tried to make grand sweeping arguments about why X, Y or Z was better. I want to be mellow about differing tastes and just like what I like. I certainly don't want to be the kind of person who rags endlessly on things I didn't enjoy, which is why the emotional outburst above is about as far as I'm prepared to go in talking publicly about the 13th Doctor's run.

[I want to go back. I want to love Doctor Who again, flaws and all. I probably will regardless of this. I am not making a plea concerning fandom's nature. I am neither asking for grace nor extending it. The answer is undoubtedly to carry on along the sidelines, a skulking hermit-crab of a Whovian. Yet the burr remains, the grief sticks and the solid ground of a long-held interest remains cracked. Perhaps that is growth. Self-examination does not entitle one to set discoveries aside, job done, card stamped, and return to pleasures-as-were. Yet I can't deny the raw emotional urgh that comes of hearing the same punches struck over and over, about a portion of the show that at least tried.]

Ultimately, however, I like picking apart the things I enjoy and I enjoy watching others do likewise. And I don't get to do that here without cautiously curating my experience to avoid the ten billionth iteration of ten-year-old internet arguments.

I'll keep doing it, obviously.

But it is irritating.

[This post brought to you by listening to El Sandifer's podcast about The Star Beast. Eruditorum Press is a great site for fascinating media analysis and her TARDIS Eruditorum series is well worth a read if you're interested in the show's development.]